Are You a Mean Girl?

When I heard my daughter ask me if she could plan something with her two friends A and B right in front of her friend C, I thought to myself, “Does she realize that she’s being kind of mean?”    I mean, why would she need to bring up the other plans RIGHT THEN?   That night I started searching online trying to find a good article about what makes a mean girl so that I could share it with her.  I never found anything that was just right because she’s a teenager and doesn’t want to read some big long article written for the parents.  So I decided to write here in my own little blog about what makes a mean girl….  Because honestly, I’ve seen so many girls be mean through the years and I have come to the realization that maybe many of them do not realize they are being mean.  Yes, yes, there are those girls who are just blatantly MEAN.  I’m not talking to them right now.  I’m talking to the good girls that I come into contact with on a regular basis.   I’m talking to the girls that I know have good hearts.    Those girls maybe don’t realize just how easy it is to hurt another girl’s feelings…. Or, perhaps, maybe their feelings were hurt and they are just trying to retaliate?    Anyway, here are my thoughts, however important (or not) they may be….

You might be a mean girl:  If you purposely try to exclude someone from an activity with other friends.  I’m not saying that you  have to invite everyone to everything.  That’s not always possible (says the mom with the small house).   I’m saying if you invite everyone else, but that one person…. You’ve excluded them on purpose.  That’s mean.

You might be a mean girl:  If you post pictures of that party where someone was left out all over social media!   This is a BIG one nowadays.  And guess what.  Moms are guilty of it too.   I think we are at a learning curve in society about this.  And maybe kids will learn eventually how it can affect others.   Personally, I try these days if I have had a birthday party for my kid, to only post the pictures in the Facebook event page to the people who were invite.   Or I will message the pictures to the people privately.  I get that kids want to share their fun pictures, but find a way to do it that doesn’t make that ONE kid feel rotten.

You might be a mean girl:  If you make another girl feel bad because you are talking about these GREAT plans you have with someone else or this GREAT thing that you did with them already.   Maybe you are excited.  I get that.  But sometimes we need to remember to take Friend A’s feelings into consideration.   Being considerate of other people’s feelings is the way we should all strive to be!

You might be a mean girl:  If you talk about Friend A in a negative way to Friend B.   If it’s not nice, don’t say it to another friend.  I understand sometimes we have to get stuff off of our chests.  Maybe talk to your mom.  Or maybe you have a friend that doesn’t know Friend A or Friend B, tell them.   But try to keep the gossip out of your circle of friends.  It will eventually get around to that person that you are talking about.

You might be a mean girl:  If you spread rumors.  This is similar to my previous one except that rumors are spread with the intention of hurting someone’s reputation.  And it is often untrue.   Guess what.  You can’t take words back.  You may destroy someone in the process.

You might be a mean girl:  If Friend A asks to sit at your table and you say, “Uh, we want to sit alone.”  Guess what….  you just need to be nice.  Include Friend A.  Maybe she’s lonely, maybe she is having a bad day, maybe she just would like some company.  Lunchtime is a great time to be social with everyone.

You might be a mean girl:  If you think you should be everybody’s bff.  No, not that YOU are a bff to everyone.  No, I mean if you think that everyone should think of YOU as their best friend.  you want to be the center of it all.  You want to be everyone’s favorite.  And it leads to excluding others.

You might be a mean girl:  If you WHISPER!!!!  Oh I hate whispering…. I see it a lot while teaching.  I’ve seen it with Kindergarteners.  I’ve seen it with 5th graders.  Let me tell you something.  It makes that other kid sitting on the other side of you feel terrible!  Even if you aren’t whispering about him or her, they feel like you are!!!  Otherwise, why whisper?      If you really need to talk privately, just save it for later.

You might be a mean girl:  If you look at another girl with condescension in your eyes.  Do you know what I mean?  THAT look…. that look where you look the other girl up and down and immediately that other girl feels like she isn’t good enough.  That other girl worries that she is too fat, that her hair looks bad, that maybe her clothes aren’t right.   Don’t look at someone that way.  It’s hurtful.  And yes, it’s mean.

You might be a mean girl:  If you pass notes in school that say something mean, harmful, embarrassing, or untrue.  I know passing notes is sort of a rite of passage.  I remember passing notes with my friends.  But please, keep them fun, lighthearted, and NICE.

You might be a mean girl:  If you do even just one of these things…..

Try to be the nice girl, the kind girl, the friendly girl, the honest girl, the humble girl, the considerate girl, the girl who does NOT have to be the center of attention, the girl who does not have to be queen bee.    In the real world, when you finally grow up, THAT is the sort of woman that others want to be around.

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